I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
