Pappa wants mamma naked
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you never un-have a 4some
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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