dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
