booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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