I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
