Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
