I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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