your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
