My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
