I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
