Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
