so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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