its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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