I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
