You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
