My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
