Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize