I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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