I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
