Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
