are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
