how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bring money and cleavage
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
