Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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