the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
