6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
