i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
