he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
