Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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