The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
