can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Buhtt sex?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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