i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
