I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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