MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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