I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
honey bunches of taint.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
