Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
that may or may not have been my penis.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
