umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
