He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
