I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
