yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
