I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wow bdsm is so cute
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
