I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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