I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
