awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
