My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
