Someone shit on the floor
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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