I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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