Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
