Sponge bath it is.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
