You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
