Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
