I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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