I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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