i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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