i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
