my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
