I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
