i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
