Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize