so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
