I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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