john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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