cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
