did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
