Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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