Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
