we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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