No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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