I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I want is dick and wine.
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