Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
soo... how was my night?
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