I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
