wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
