she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
