just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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