Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
