I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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