yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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