Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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